When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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