I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
