That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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