Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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