i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
