I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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