My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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