I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
