my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
