So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
