Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
