found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
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This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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