He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
