i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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