I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He? As in you personified your dick?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
