Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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