And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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