There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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