I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
