I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
