one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
