I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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