the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
