just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
