a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
