Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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