Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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