Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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