Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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