The best revenge is premature balding
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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