i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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