Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
