So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
