i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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