I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
