any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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