She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
