I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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