My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
