She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
