i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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