Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
