consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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