I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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