Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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