I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
