i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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