Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
