There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
