So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
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I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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