Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your cock deserves a montage
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
