Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
