About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We are all done wearing pants today
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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