Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
