Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
