I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
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He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
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my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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