normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
