taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
