so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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