He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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