When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize