Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
