What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
