Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
