would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
