Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
