apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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