my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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