Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
