There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
