thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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