God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
