My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
