Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
