The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
