Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
