If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I supernannyed him into submission
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
