two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
