so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
only you would photoshop your dick
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
