That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
